Young Theseus was
having a good week. The teenager hadn't even reached Athens, and
already he had disposed of a whole slew of evil men! One by one the
ruffians confronted our protagonist, and one by one the ogres bit the
dust. The road to Athens was littered with dead scum.
Love when that happens
to bad people.
"Next! Bring it on, chumps!"
The countryside was abuzz
with his exploits, and unscrupulous public relations executives and agents
were already drafting up exclusive endorsement contracts. Vase painters
were asking how to spell 'Theseus', eager to be the first to debut this
new wunderkind. Nike reps were licking their
Fame and legend was his for the taking, just like his
cousin Hercules (Heracles), the man Theseus idolized the most. Cousin Herc had performed
12 incredible labors one after the other, over the course of a few years. Theseus,
one week into his new career, had already accomplished 6. Not too shabby, for
'Hey, this hero stuff
is pretty easy', he thought to himself, whistling a happy song and pleased
as nectar to be alive. Theseus was tall, blonde and strikingly handsome, and even
at the fresh age of 16, his sculpted body rivaled Apollo's. In the short time he set
out from his hometown, Troezen, to meet his father in Athens, he had
overcome enough challenges to last a lifetime or three, and with each
victory his stature seemed to grow ten-fold.
Indeed, young Theseus
was having a good week. But the fun was only beginning! Yes, the fun was
Alright, Myth Maniacs,
it's time to grab your favorite libation, curl up in your most comfortable
chair, and join me on a heroic journey like no other. For, as my good
friend 'Ritchie' Plutarch once said,
"What lies beyond is full of marvels and unreality,
a land of poets and fabulists, of doubt and obscurity..."
Ready? Hey, use a